648, 649, 650- Raising Mountain Goats

March 22, 2009

To: Harmel's Point

RE: Altitude Adjustment

Hi Harmel's Point. Happy spring.

We just wanted to let you know that Dad has moved us to a building across the world with no elevator and we walk the stairs every single day. It seems that we have begun training for our annual hike up you for the last 6 weeks.

Today, Daddy thought he would be clever and call today "Yes Day". Because he is traveling over the next few weeks, he said we could do anything we wanted today and he would say "Yes." Needless to say, we took full advantage of this little game. Daddy, can I ride a horse? "Yes." Daddy, can I have some cotton candy? "Yes." Daddy, can we walk up the the Eiffel Tower? Shockingly enough, Daddy had already done this so of course he said, "Yes."

So the journey began. Klip, klop for one of us and zoom, zoom for the other. About half way up we noticed that the stairs are numbered. So after 650 steps, we made it all by ourselves. We walked up the Eiffel Tower and have even made a new tradition in the process of doing so. If you come see us, check with the airline for the weight fees associated within someone your size and maybe look for an aisle seat. Second, upon your arrival if you want to go up the Eiffel Tower, the first time up you have to walk it. We saw all of Paris and even our apartment.

Now that spring has come we thought that we would write you and make a suggestion. Since the snow is beginning to melt, can you please consider adding some dirt so you can be higher? Maybe take a page from Mt Everest and think about gaining some altitude. Dad didn't think we could make it and in the end he was not real happy being this high on a set of stairs. He is a chicken, where we would like to think of ourselves as mountain goats. So maybe add a rock and some dirt to make it the walk a little more challenging. We would never not hike you, but we asked Daddy today on the way home about maybe hiking up a "super tall" mountain this summer. He did not smile.

We love you and can't wait to see you.

PS- Dad wanted us to ask you if you could say Hi to his sedimentary friend. He would also like to specifically add that this rock cannot be added to make you taller. This rock needs to stay where it is.

See you soon,

Abby " Zoom" and Grey "Klop" aka The Parisian Mountain Goats

Grey's Anatomy: The Coming Out Party of the World's Funniest 3 Year Old

First things first, I am the equivalent to a blind down hill skier when it comes to posting pictures and videos to posts. It's a mess.

All of us have a comfort zone. I have mine while fishing in a river in Colorado. Jenny finds her zone while running. I have yet to find mine in France. Maybe it's the langauge thing, maybe its cow tongue foie gras or jelly meat (No words in any dictionary can describe this kind of substance) that I had to ingest this past week. I know I will find my zone once I am able to leave the toilet for more than periods of 5 minutes at a time and complete the artifical colen replacement surgery which I heard is not too painful. That being said, our kids are finding their groove. Abby is meeting kids at school and having fun. However, the big winner out of this whole deal thus far goes to woobie #2. I don't know what has happened, but let's just say that he is out of his shell and dancing around like a naked crab.

In fact effective immediately, I am ceasing all investments in the stock market and putting them into cookies, sugar wafers, and Gatorade. Let me be a little more clear, I am not speaking of the company's stock who manufacture these items, rather I am speaking of the actual products themselves. Instead of heartburn and anger I get with the market, I have found that investments in these heavily sugared products are the source of the bribes that I typically give to the world's funniest 3 year old and upon consumption, I receive the best footage from his numerous performances. For example:

- A few weeks back, we took the kids to the Louvre to let them see some of the museum. Instead of taking in the beauty of the Mona Lisa or the many other things at this world monument, Grey decided to look for a slide and found one at the center of the museum which is now video #1 of this post. As you can see, there are no steps for this pyramid slide in the Louvre. Secondly, a regular slide on bottom from him would not suffice in such an environment. This is the Louvre and he thought it would be best to treat the visitors to some real art, like a belly slide, and in fact not one slide, but several so that they could get the real sensation of what it feels to complete such a task with one's epidermis. Just for the record, one might notice that this is not an "outside park" near the Lourve. This is the actual Lourve. As you can see the return of one chocolate cookie investment is better than anything that GE or GM could bring these days.

- Example #2- The example is born for what now can be named as " The Most Expensive Umbrellas in the World." We had promised to give the kids their own umbrellas if they did certain chores all week. The probability of this was quite small, but somehow they hit the lottery and completed all of the tasks. You would think in a city of over 2 million people where it rains about every other day, two Disney umbrellas would not be a difficult task. So in order to fulfill the promise, we took the kids to EuroDisney on a whim which is the scene of the second post of Funny Man. In this video, after standing in line for 90 minutes, he is torturing his mother on the 1 minute and 20 second Dumbo ride. I will not need to get into the great details of my Walt Disney Conspiracy Theory.

- Example #3- I don't know what this is, but it looks like a scene from the toddler version of Flashdance.

All in all, this kid is the best thing I have seen in Paris. I figure in about 6 months, we will have shown his talents in enough public places where he will be recognized upon arrival. At that time, I will either be able to charge people for his performances or we will be immediately escorted out and asked not to come back. Regardless of the outcome, he is funniest thing I have seen in Paris and somehow he smells better than the people on the subway even with a big dump in his pants.

Ketchup

It has been awhile, so this post will cover the following subjects:

1. Thank You
2. Family Olympics
3. Sausage Sandwich

I have also posted a couple of pictures from the last couple of weeks. Jen and I had a great evening out for our 10th anniversary which included a nice dinner and a stroll under Gustav's tower.

1. I am deeply, deeply grateful for the birthday gifts. It just goes to show you that it is a thought that matters, not the item. The fact that someone would spend $30 for freight on $5 of food is awesome. Wait my stomach and taste buds are taking over the computer--"Blah, blah, blah. People this is the greatest day of our lives. Last week in Africa darn near killed us. Tomorrow we have to somehow choke down fa de frois in front of the bosses. These last few weeks have been tough, but today makes us feel that hope is been brought back to America, sorry we just got caught up in the moment. Today makes us feel like Brett has hope. We feel like the Slumdog Millionaire kids and we didn't even win an Oscar. We saw the Sugar Wafers and we begged Brett to eat them for breakfast. We then came home and his wife, who is currently being investigated for several attempted taste bud murders, gave him a ice cold DP and made us a great dinner (seriously it was good), and then we opened up some good old fashion processed Velveeta cheese with Rotel. We ended up the day with a home made cake. We thought it was some kind of terrorist plot, but it wasn't a trick. It was a real cake and really good. We love foreign birthdays. In fact, tomorrow Brett is 33 1/365 and we look forward to getting some more good stuff. Now back to your regularly scheduled boring blog.

2. It is official, pigeon chasing and wheel spinning need to be Olympic sports. Better yet, pigeon chasing, wheel spinning, and what I now refer to as the "My Son's a Drunken Sailor 10 Meter Walk" should all be Olympic sports. Look at the videos below and you will see what I mean. If you can tell me the number of times you see Grey's head, I will send you a year's worth of fa de grois. The kids have taken this pigeon chasin thing to a whole new level. We went to Notre Dame this weekend and it the midst of this great French landmark, our kids are having training sessions with the pigeons. It was great fun and interestingly enough preists in Paris run out to get smokes after the services.

3. Sausage sandwich. French lessons finally start next week, delayed one week because of scheduling. I noticed since being over here that the world has become amazingly automated. I don't why I just noticed this, but good grief if we keep this pace up we are not going to need to leave the house for anything. This past few weeks, we have had to do somethings over the phone and wouldn't you know it is a French voice automated system which has lead us to what is now a top 5 word(s). Sausage sandwich. This is how it goes:

Operator: asljfoaifoflkdaflknsdfief (this is what it sounds like)

Me and Jenny: "Sausage Sandwich"

Operator: kasdfoifjewfkjlkfjldf (again see above)

Me and Jenny: "Sausage Sandwich"

After about 2 or 3 of these, we get a person and bust out with the old: Parlez vous Anglais? Viola, action. Note to pathagreom theorem, you need to step it up. Sausage sandwich is useful, fun, and the guys above really like to eat it. You have been put on notice and you need to work yourself into some conversations, perferably English based.


Overall, we are really having some good fun. The weather is starting to turn so it allows us to get outside more. We will keep in touch and write more often.

It is 9:15pm, I guess I need to call my sister and tell her that she can now begin to officially talk about her birthday (probably has already, kidding of course).

Thanks again.

You can't teach, but you sure can take...

Normalcy is beginning to set in at Fondary. The apartment is pretty much cleaned up from the boxes that arrived on Tuesday. Phones are up and running (now we just need to learn how to use them), Skype is functioning (go to www.skype.com and search for abbyandgrey), and language lessons for me begin next week. I must admit it is nice to have the gang here. We had a great weekend. The weather was nice and we spent most of Saturday on the go. I was introduced to Carrefour. This is the cousin to the American Target or WalMart. Not as impressive, but equally as busy. The bonus is that they will deliver your groceries for a small charge, which is good for those of us that do not drive or have an elevator. Delivery man, my legs and arms will be sending you a Christmas card this year for not making me carry those bags up four flights of stairs.

On Saturday afternoon, we went to the Eiffel Tower. It was extremely crowded, but it was great fun. Woobie #2 has a new hobby of chasing pigeons. He has gotten scary close to getting one or two thus far. I don’t exactly know what would happen if he actually got one. In fact, I would rather not think about this scene. The kids rode the carousel and we grabbed ice cream (mind you that it was just above freezing outside). Pictures above, facts below.

I must say that the biggest event of the week was that Abby went back to school. The school seems good and she is adjusting pretty well. They had a fair after school and dress up day on Friday. She has about 19 kids in her class (some Americans, some Portuguese, some Germans). I have to say watching her go through this transition at school is about the most gut wrenching event I have had to see thus far as a parent. At times, we all see acts from just normal people that strike us as courageous. I must say that she has taught me a few things this week after moving 5,000 miles away in the middle of a school year. It is hard to imagine, but I think that she has got more courage than I have today. To force yourself into a new situation like this just simply takes guts. I know it has not been easy for her and I know that she probably does not understand what she is feeling, but I am really, really proud her for putting herself out there. It just goes to show you that you can’t teach courage, but you sure can take lessons from those who have it.

So here at information central command, we are constantly trying to improve the quality of communication from across the pond. We have found a new little feature that allows us to send pictures within the post. Please enjoy and unlike the airlines these days, these pictures are included in the price of admission. Just for the record, Abby has discovered static electricity.

I also thought it would be fun to share a little history about our destination this past weekend. Enjoy.

Eiffel Tower

Constructed between 1887-1889…Was once the largest structure in the world (first overtaken by the Chrysler Building in NYC in 1930)…Built to mark the 100 year celebration of the French Revolution…Architect none other than Gustave Eiffel…Although marveled for its architecture, the structure was built to withstand the winds that come through Paris…Weighs about 10,000 tons…717 steps to the top…It has survived the invasion of Nazi Germany and a fire in 1956.

"It's Cloudy" Welcome to France

First things first, Tom's wedding was great. I am really happy to see him so happy with Annie. If you ever want to test yourself vs. a nervous breakdown tell your colleague to call you on Friday at 7:00 AM when you are planning to leave a country for 3 years. He needs to then ask you to fax over some passport information so he can get your for a visa for a business trip to Africa. Next, you need to realize that you left your passport somewhere and the only solution is drive 3 hours in traffic to get a new one. Upon arrival you will be considered a possible terrorist threat because you want three passports. Drive back 3 hours to be in a rehearsal for a wedding that you are 30 minutes late to.

The LA Times on Saturday Classified Section

Soft pink object for sale. It will be of no help to anyone. Owner is looking to sell and will consider any offer. He needs space to fill with sand, blocks, kids train set pieces, maybe even Batman toy. Item once considered to be a brain, but has since been confirmed that is more like old yogurt left on kitchen table. Malaria repellent will be considered as fair trade.

Secondly, Quirico Filopanti, the idea man behind global time zones, is the devil. We were on the plane for almost 18 hours and to land at 11:00 AM when it should be 2:00AM is just outright evil. I am now suggesting that the entire world be set on the 7:33 time zone where no matter what time it is, it is always 7:33.

Thanks to genius man, this is the summary of our first night together.

7:00- While laying in bed watching the rain hit the skylight

Jen- Wow, the clouds sure are moving fast.

10:00- I awake from what I think is a full night's sleep to find out that it was more like a nap.

Brett- You know, those clouds are moving fast.

12:30- After, a few hours of what had to be considered as Studio 54 Paris by our neighbors, kids are in bed with us.

Abby- Daddy, the clouds move fast in Paris.

Grey- Daddy, the Eiffel Tower is in Paris.

1:00- Whispering with Abby

Abby- Daddy, I sleep with my eyes open. I close my eyes and then they just want to stay open. This is why I can't sleep.--It is amazing what exhaustion can add to a conversation with a 4 year old.

1:10- Abby leaves the bed.

2:00- Abby returns from playing and begins the takeover of what is now considered The Louisania Purchase of our bed. Sprawling from corner to corner.

2:10- Jen conceeds Ohio and moves to the opposite end of the bed in order to have more room.

3:00- Upstairs radiator had too many nachos and begins to make belching sound. Number of people awake, one. Number of people that work the next day, well that is me too.

4:00- Finally, sleep for everyone. Maybe I should rent out the three other beds in the house?

First night, long night, best night....Welcome to France.

Favorites- Part 1

Back from Gabon. My trip was good, pretty normal if you think driving in roads with potholes 3 times the size of your taxi, seeing a car accident on Monday and the vehicle in the same place 3 days later, being told that your flight will be here in 10 minutes and then not having it show up for an hour so you miss your connection back to Paris, and finally followed up with a little bribe (not me) given to a immigration employee to let my colleague out of the country because her visa expired when we missed our flight. Just a very typical Houston work week. Overall, the trip was pretty eye opening experience. You have large corporations extracting resources, primarily timber and oil, from a very poor country. Expat living is extremely expensive in Gabon ($7,000 - $10,000/month for apartment alone) but its local inhabitants make very modest livings. Infrastructure around Pt. Gentil is terrible, the roads and traffic make I-10 look like piece of cake. It is shame that the wealth is not at least distributed to public projects like roads. In reality, the government will ask oil companies to fund such projects. Kind of makes you wonder, where is the government revenue of 250,000 barrels/day of oil, which unfortunately is under $40/barrel, going when it can not afford to make decent roads for its whopping 1.5 million people? Alex, "African government corruption for $1,000 please."

I had put off doing laundry for as long as I could, but after the trip I had to do some or I would begin to blend in with some of my metro mates in terms of personal odor. I went to the store and I think I have bought laundry soap, but I can not tell if it is soap or some kind calcium deposit for your washer. This project has lead me to what is now my favorite word in French. Years ago, Jen and I were sitting around talking about obviously nothing and we both told each other our favorites words (totally normal right?) which has lead to lengthy conversations with various people about this specific subject quickly followed by these people then asking us to leave the party. My favorite word is Pythagorean theorem. First, you might say "This is not a word, but two words." I would then reply, "Yes, but the inventor of this game, me, allowed some leniency in this case." This word is awesome, but to someone that is weak in math (IE: me) it is not used in great abundance. However, I will use it whenever I can. For example, it can be used at your local deli:

"Excuse me, can you cut that sandwich into a right triangle."

"What? How could I measure this sandwich?"

"Oh, that would be by using the Pythagorean theorem where a^2 + b^2 = c^2."

"Oh right. Silly me."

Try it. It works wonders. Jen's favorite word is ubiquitous which she read in a WSJ article when we first got married. This is a great word (definitely top 5 for me) and it is actually is just one word, but trust me ubiquitous is no Pythagorean theorem. Mom's favorite word is godspeed, again another great word. You think that this is crazy, but playing this game is a great conversation piece and not far behind is "What is on your IPod?" and "If you had a music festival called "Your Name" Stock what 3 bands would you have play?"

Back to washing clothes. So my new favorite French word is "secher." Because living spaces are compact, the French have cleverly developed a washer/dryer combo to save space. Good idea in theory, but not so good in practice. Translated, secher means to dry. Effective today, I will begin a petition to change the meaning of secher to "To kind of dry or what I really mean is to leave extremely damp no matter how many times you try to dry." I think that they needed to fill the space on the washer/dryer so they decided to write this word, but I assure you that it does not mean to dry. So instead of smelling, I will be sneezing due to the pneumonia that I will have caught from wearing wet clothes everywhere when it is 0 Celsius (quite Euro of me to use Celsius) outside.

I go back to Houston this week to prepare for the actual launch of this mission. I am looking forward to seeing the woobies who now have there own email: abbyandgrey@yahoo.com. If they don't receive 10 message a week, no one and I mean no one gets Christmas presents next year.

Le Jour de les Etas-Unis

This morning I had the unique pleasure to sit in a meeting in which the langauge of choice was French. During the two hours, I thought of many things:

1. Has someone (including myself) stated in my resumè that I can speak or understand French?

2. I am screwed.

3. I am going to learn French in 2009.

4. I am so screwed.

So on the way back to the hotel, I thought today I would write about the Le Jour de Merde. Before I continue, it is somwhat amusing how things do not change. I know little French, but I somehow know a swear word in French. I will plead innocent, because the word is the title of an expat book about living in Paris.

To return to my intended path, I returned back to the hotel for lunch. I was in the dining area and continued to hear about what is going on in Washington today and I came to a new conclusion. What a great day to be white, black, brown, green, American, French, Gabonese, bilingual, or even unilingual (with a cuss word included). My meeting is a perfect example of the greatness of today. Today is the perfect example of what can take place if people are willing to change, learn, and act. The night I listened to his acceptance speech in Iowa, I had a strong feeling that Obama would win the election. Jen has gone so far to say that I am obessed with Obama. I am. I don't know why because I am a straight laced Republican. In my letter to the kids this Christmas, I told them that I voted for Obama for them. I did not want to see America pass up on such an opportunity to change history. Today is not the inaguration of a Democrat. Today is not the day of defeat for the Republican party. Today is a day where Americans can all say we have learned, changed, and acted. 40 years ago we could not drink from the same water and today we get to say, "Barack Obama President of the United States." If you stop and really think, it is pretty amazing.