Life Lessons From A Rock In Taylor: 2009 Edition

I am back in France. Jen and the kids should arrive sometime next week. We went to DFW for a few days and celebrated Lilly's birthday and then spent most of our time in Colorado. Jen can attest that I always build this trip up to an impossible level of expectation. This year was no different, and it was not perfect. That being said if there is every such a thing as a perfectly not perfect trip, well Colorado 2009 fits the bill.

This year we literally could have gone anywhere. The nice thing about Europe is you are just about in the middle of the world. US is 10 hours away. Asia is about 12 hours away. South Africa is 10 hours away. I caught a bunch of grief in the office about going to the US for the holidays, but I simply told them, "I don't miss my Colorado trip." This has been true for years. I don't know another place in the world where you can see your kids do the same thing you did 30 years ago and they have the same smile as you did when you were doing it. I don't know a place in the world where a 30 year + man can watch his 80 year + Grandmother go fishing like she has been doing for probably 50 years. I don't know a place in the world where a retired preacher can hold an audience on Sunday morning like the one in Tin Cup. I don't know a place in the world where a Grandmother can't stand not being with here grandkids so much that she drives 1600 miles for a 4 day visit. I don't know a place in the world that exists like the house on Spring Creek and until I do, well world you can have my extended weekends, but you don't have a puncher's chance in having my summer vacation.

Have You Lost Your Mind?

I have a new calling and no it is not poker. I am going to start a travel agency, but this will not be your everyday run of the mill travel agency. HILMMTA, Have I Lost My Mind Travel Agency, will specialize in maximizing the stress of traveling for its customers so that when they return to work they feel work life is easier than vacation and therefore increase their efficiency because they never want to leave work again. Imagine the following:

Customer: I would like to book a trip for 7 from Houston to Hawaii for 10 days on the week of June 30. I would like to stay at the Westin in Maui.

HILMMTA: Great. We have you scheduled and your bill will be sent in the mail.

6 months later..

Customer: (Location Houston airport) Sir, I have scheduled a vacation for Hawaii using HILMMTA six months ago and I am now at the airport and they do not have my reservation. I have all my kids with me, what is going on?

HILMMTA: Congratulations, Have I Lost My Mind Travel Agency has booked you and your family on a 30 day vacation to Greenland where we have covered all of hotel expenses with a new REI tent that is waiting for you at your destination.

Customer: What the hell are you talking about?

HILMMTA: That's right lady. Here at HILMMTA we like to offer a different kind of vacation. One full of surprises and changeable dates and even flexible destinations. Our slogan is we are not satisfied until you literally ask yourself, "Have I Lost My Mind?"

Customer: Great business. How do you have any customers?

HILMMTA: Thank you for asking. You are in fact our second customer. Our first customer, Mr. Ima Idiot, booked a trip and we left him in Nigeria for an extra day. He was so pleased with our service, Mr. Idiot then booked us for his family vacation to Texas. We changed the date on his departure and he just found out two days before leaving. He just called us and said the magic words we at HILMMTA love to hear, " Have I Lost My Mind?" We said, we hope so and if not you are guaranteed a 100% refund.

Customer: Great. I don't want to go to Greenland. I want to go to Hawaii.

HILMMTA: Great. Next time book a trip to Iceland and the great part is you never know with HILMMTA, you could end up in Iceland or India. It just simply depends on how much stress we think you need until you say, "Have I Lost My Mind?"

Customer: I hate you. I am never using your agency again.

HILMMTA: Oh, I think you will change your mind when I tell you that we have given you a 7 stop flight to Greenland and a canoe fit for 3 for your return trip.

Customer: Have You Lost Your Mind?

HILMMTA: No mam, but it is your mind that we are concerned about.




I NEED A VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Off to see the wizard...

I have been able to avoid it since January 15, 2009. Tomorrow, I do not get to avoid it any longer. At 10:54, I depart to the fun land known as Nigeria. The good news is that I that the rebels have agreed to a cease fire for 60 days (oh yeah!). I have been given strict guidelines for my 28 hour stay, but you know there is always a chance that something could happen. So I thought I should prepare something if for some reason I am captured and taken hostage. If something should happen, I would request that someone please pass along the following note to the rebel forces.

Dear Rebel Force Leader,

If you have received this note, there has been a huge mistake on your part. You see just because I had a two car caravan, I am no one important. Maybe you thought I was Obama, but your sources have given you bad information since he was in Ghana last week, not Nigeria. I assume that getting good intelligence in kind of hard considering your circumstances of living in hiding and all. Well, now that you have me, I need to inform you of a few things.

1. All your guys are running around in green camouflage and this doesn't really work for me. You see when I was little, Dr. Louis informed me and my family that I am really color blind. Now, there is no need to shed a tear for me, I have figured it out over time and as long as I wear white and primary colored suits I get along OK. You should have seen it at the beginning though, it was a mess. Anyway, it would really help me out if you could coordinate the color of your followers a little better. Can I suggest yellow and black or blue and white combination? This would be a lot better for me because at the moment I must admit it is a little hard to see you all and well I know that you are considering my comfort in this whole ordeal. If you do decide to change, please stay away from any kind of blue/purple, red/green, orange/yellow combinations as well.

2. This whole sleeping on a dirt floor thing is not really all that comfortable for me. You see you should have done a little research because I am what they call a hotel snob. My wife seems to think that I have some sort of condition. When in a hotel, it is very important for me to have a large bed in a big room. I also need to advise you that I would really think favorable of your organization if a Westin Heavenly Bed were made available. I happen to think that this is the best bed in the world. Furthermore, I would like to let you know that I also would like a Heavenly Shower as well. You know I am not a clean freak and in fact when I go camping I do not shower for 2-3 days at a time, but a nice shower with good water pressure would be much obliged.

3. Since I brought up camping, I should also let you know that this whole outdoor thing is not really my style. I have been camping before, but I typically sleep in the car when it rains or is cold. So taking this into consideration, maybe I can be upgraded to some kind of indoor facility with AC. I know, the whole hotel snob thing is kicking in, but I think this is a feasible request.

4. Finally, this is an important one. You see I have this tendency to be allergic to just about everything. It seems that I have even passed this trait onto my son. He is cursed, god bless him. In the past on a very rare occasion, I have been known to have an allergic reaction that I have now referred to as the "Goodyear reaction." This occurs when a certain part of my body, mainly my head which I have been told is already large in its normal state, swells up to the size a miniature Goodyear blimp. This is really embarrassing when this occurs so I am going to have to ask that your men keep me away from just about everything. Otherwise, your hiding place here in jungle is going to be found rather quickly because the pilots flying in and out of Nigeria are going to call the tower stating that I have sited the Staypuff Marshmallow Man. Trust me, this gets ugly quick.

In closing, I think that these requests are more than fair. I am willing to write any sort of customer survey at the end of may stating that the treatment I received while in custody was pleasant. Furthermore if a ransom if required, I have been recently crowned as the POKER KING, but seem to be having an issue collecting the $5 million that I am owed. In fact, I think there is something that can be worked out here with my release and you helping collect this money that I am rightfully owed. Something to keep in mind.

Technically Speaking

Last night I boarded a Boeing 777 to fly home. This is an enormous piece of machinery. As I walked off the bus and towards the plane I found myself literally in awe of how the pilots get this thing off the ground. The engine alone has to be almost 10ft - 12ft high. The wing spand is probably 40 yards. I know a little about the steel that goes into these planes. It basically has to be defect free. The same with the bolts and screws that put the pieces of sheet together. So there I was with my Blackberry texting an email in front of this airplane.

I stood there and thought while we boarded the plane:

How many engineers actually put the conception, all of the electrical, aerodynamics, and mechanical pieces together to make a plane? Is it thousands, ten thousands?

Considering that the raw materials have to be defect free, what process goes into making perfect materials for an airplane?

How do they test the longevity and effectiveness of an airline engine?

As I was holding my phone,

What kind of R&D goes into making a phone that can call anywhere in the world, get internet, get emails, and still fit in your pocket?

How were we able to shrink the size a computer in 30 years from the size of a building to the size of my hand?

If you really think about the technology that goes into a phone or a plane it is simply impressive.

And then I thought, we can make huge planes that fly 40,000 ft in the air and multi-purpose phones that fit in my hand and yet we can not figure out a way to get people in Africa clean drinking water.

With a few clicks on the internet you can find the following:

2 MILLION people die annually because of waterborne illnesses (mostly in 3rd world countries).
2 BILLION people do not have clean water in this world.
350 MILLION people in Africa are without clean drinking water. This is equivalent to the entire US not having drinking water.

Am I nuts? How is this possible? Clean water. We can fly planes and make small computers, but we can't figure out clean water?

If you could only pick one, should we be in awe of our advances or humilated at our failures?

I JUST WON $5,000,000

Today is the greatest day of my life. Today I have created multi-generational wealth. Today, I am going to quit my job and move to Easy Street. How?

Yesterday, in the process of reading a great book, Outliers, I decided to take a break a play poker on my Blackberry. I started out with the house giving me just $500 and then I won another $1500. Upon winning this, I entered into a small tournament and won $20,000.

I then though, "I must be the greatest." I then entered the Rose Bowl of poker which is the World Series of Poker. It cost me $10,000, but upon hours of playing and probably a severe case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome I won the World Series of Poker and $5,000,000. I can't believe it. It is strange, there were no cameras or interviews that were awaiting me this morning at my hotel.

I called my client and told him the news. He then had the audacity to ask me if we were still having our morning meeting. I promptly replied, "Are you crazy? You must not have been listening, I JUST WON $5M bucks. I am out of here. Find someone else to have your "important meeting".

I then went to bmw.com and bought my dream car for $120,000. I mean this is a ridiculous price for a car, but I ahave $5M so it is no problem. I asked them to deliver to the house so that Jen can participate in our new wealth until I came back to Texas.

Feeling like a king, I called NetJets and asked for a private jet to pick me up from Ghana. They asked for my banking information and I asked why they did not know me because I am the POKER KING. The man said, "Sir, that is great and all. When you sober up, call us if you want a jet and make sure you have your bank information." Now I was more than a little upset with his attitude, but he was probably a little jealous. I mean I am the $5M POKER KING and he works at NetJets. What a loser.

I then went to the lobby for breakfast and afterwards I got up to leave. My waitress ran over to the table and asked for me to sign the bill. I said, "Mam, it is early, but today on CNN or CNBC you are probably going to see my picture on TV. I won $5M last night. You should probably comp this meal. The hotel is going to get a great amount of press because I am staying here. In fact, you need to speak to the manager because my $300 a night room needs to be free. This hotel is not going to be known as the "Obama Hotel" especially after the press hears about how I won $5M in room 722." She then escorted me to the manager's office to have a one-to one discussion. Finally some respect.

Interally I was thinking that they were going to upgrade me to the Obama suite, or should I say the Brett suite, or get me a private helicopter, or better yet get that loser from NetJets back on the phone. My main thought was do not sign anything, I needed to get an agent. These deals don't come around everyday. As I walked into the office, I was more than surprised at his aggressive demeanor. I didn't have time to get color or black and white pictures for autographs. I tried to explain this to him, but he just was yelling at me to pay for my breakfast and to stop harassing the staff. I stood up and said, "Do you know who I am. I won $5M in room 722 last night. I am the new poker champion of world. I do not appreciate your attitude. Put the breakfast on my room and I need your name because I am calling not your manager, but the President of Holiday Inn. Good luck finding a new job sucker."

Upon returning to my room, I was really mad and still very confused. There is still no press here. I checked the phone and it works. What in the world is going on?

I called the company that sponsored the tournament and when the little man answered the phone I said, "This is Brett." "OK, Hi Brett and you are?" he said. "OK, enough is enough. Get someone on the phone and tell them I need my $5M bucks and I mean now." He then replied "OK Brett, um, we are not a real casino and I don't want to be the person who breaks this to you, but that was a video game."

I was now screaming "Whatever, I just need my money. I don't care if you are a daycare center for green rabbits. give me my money and we can part ways. I feel sure there are going to be 1000's of casinos that want to at least recognize me as the newly crowned POKER KING." "Well, Mr. POKER KING, that is good news. Good luck with that." said the little punk and then we somehow got disconnected. I have tried to call back several times, but it seems that my number is now blocked. Did they not have the money? Is this some kind of Ponzi scheme?

A few minutes passed and in an instant I felt that I had actually lost $5,000,000 and come to think of it my hand is really starting to hurt. In tears, I started to write my daily to do list:

1. Call client and state that it is Ghana April Fools Day and ask why they have April Fools Day in July.

2. Review US law to see if you can cancel a $120,000 BMW after signing an agreement to pay in full upon receipt.

3. Find grocery store in Accra because I am not allowed to eat in the hotel restuarant after harassing the staff.

4. Kindly ask hotel manager to borrow $3 so that I can buy a Coke.

5. Find ice for hand.

You know, I am broke, but it was a great ride. Once my hand is either removed or healed, I think I am going to attempt to become the first back-to-back World Series of Poker champion. Maybe then they will pay me my $10M bucks.

Why is it taking so long to pass the salt?

Last night, the kids and I had dinner together. The problem was that I needed a napkin, and well let just say that although they are both growing like weeds these days, neither could reach over the Atlantic Ocean to oblige my request. As I have stated before, Skype is great.

Life is pretty quiet over here at the moment with the gang in Houston. Playing Uno by yourself is unbelievably predictable. It is a little ironic that you have a game called Uno that needs a minimum of two people to play. It does give me time to work on my strategy for Uno as the kids have come to enjoy this game immensely. This is a shocker, but Abby LOVES and I mean LOVES to see someone have to draw 4 or 2. She truly revels in the moment. Competitive? I believe that this is clear. Grey on the other hand is again sneaky smart. Grey gets a draw 4 or Wild and it goes something like this:

Grey plays a Wild or Draw 4.

Grey: I want the color to be green.

Dad: Grey, you have 15 blues and 7 yellows in your hand. Do you want to the color to be yellow or blue?

Grey: Green.

Abby: Grey, you can't call green. You don't have any greens.

Grey: Green.

Abby: Dad!

Dad: Abby, he can call any color he wants.

Grey (now sheepishly smiling that he has messed with the preassigned logic of his sister): Green.

And then what typically happens is that Abby and I will inevitably have to draw about 10 cards a piece before we see Grey's favorite color, green. I must say the tactic is pretty clever and has worked several times as he has won on multiple occassions because of this little manuever.

Finally, today is mom's birthday. 60, wow that is a big number. I mean 60, serious. Wow. Still doing what she is doing at 60. Happy Birthday Mom and PS I know that you are 59, but I took the pleasure in rounding up for you.

I have to go work now and I need a coat today because it is 60 degrees outside. Upon arrival in Texas I have informed the flight crew on Continental that it is possible I will melt into a big puddle of transparent meat prior to exiting the jet bridge.

What Can You Do In 63 Million Seconds?

As I set the keys down on the counter, I headed to the refrigerator for a bottle of 16 oz. water. I am cheap so it wasn't real bottled water, just refilled bottle water. I was wearing a blue GAP polo shirt and a pair of torn Levi's (I told you that I was cheap). Jen and I had just come back from the movies. As I approached the den, my mother-in-law said that I needed to call my mom and that my Grandmother had a stroke. Immediately following;

Brain: What did she just say?

Brain: Ask her to repeat what she just said.

Brain: Which Grandmother?

Brain: Why are there the sounds of train sirens in my head?

Brain: Ask her which Grandmother.

Brain: Someone, please stop the sirens.

Brain: SPEAK. TALK.

Actual conversation: silence.

I can count on two fingers actual nights that I have never slept a single minute. The first was when I was at A&M and completely unprepared for my Finance final. The second, Father's Day 2007.

So, Happy Father's Day to everyone.

Happy Stroke Day to Gramma. There are no cards for such an occasion although I can come up with a few just sitting here. Maybe having Micheal Phelps on the cover saying "Nice Stroke Recovery" or something. I don't take it lightly knowing that strokes kill 150,000 family members a year, but you have to celebrate the victories against such an event and I assure you this was a clear cut victory. She is in much better shape than the faded GAP shirt and the jeans that I have thrown away long ago.

Broccoli 24/7

This photo has not been photo-shopped. THIS IS ACTUALLY MOM. Mom going down the luge course which happens to be located on the side of a mountian. I never thought I would see the day.

Kids by the lake in Bravaria.

The "cool" person boat in Paris.

At the Eagles Nest.

We had a great time with Mom. I took a day off in Paris and we toured the Louvre and the Musee d Orsay. I sound like a hick, but I don't necessary love artwork, but the Louvre was amazing. You can spend days in there without seeing it all. We left for Germany and spent a few days in the Bavarian Alps. We fought the dragons in Neuschwanstein Castle, walked to the top of the Eagles Nest, and walked the concentration camp of Dachau. The trip was fantstic and very educational.

Dachau- It is hard to understand such hatred. It is even harder to see it. We all hear about stories of hate and racism, but the conditions at Dachau made it hard just taking pictures knowing what had happened there.

Eagles Nest- The 50th birthday present to Hitler is perched on top of a beautiful mountain. The Austrians/Germans have turned it into a restuarant. The road up to the Nest is like any other I have been on. It makes going up Cottonwood Pass look like a walk in the park. To make the trip better, our driver decided to drive up with only one hand (something that I did not need to see as I was looking off the side of a several hundred foot cliff).

Luge World Championships- While planning the trip, I stumbled upon a luge course that was near on of our visits. We spend an hour or so racing down the mountain several times. It was a blast and I have found that my daughter shares my love for going fast. She had me scared on one run.

In the end, we had a great visit with Mom. It would be a lie if I didn't say that it was different without Dad being there. It is kind of like seeing a white zebra, you automatically look for the black stripes. Without the stripes, it is not a zebra. I have never seen Mom so spirited to try new things. I mean a luge and crossing a suspended bridge that had to be 2,000 ft over a gorge are things that I thought I would never see. She proved that is never too late to reinvent oneself and to try new things. You have to really respect that. It is almost like she wanted to see what Dad would have wanted to see and we all know where Dad goes--to the top and over suspended bridges.

She Will Go To The Moon

Rocky II. Rudy. Seabiscuit. Cinderella Man. Hoosiers. Jenni.

The ultimate movie underdog list (except for the last one). You have to the love the story of the underdog. Their stories are my favorite movies. I can watch Rocky II 100 times in a row and probably cry 100% of the time at the end of the movie. The same for Rudy. They are the stories of "no", but the characters of "why not?" They are cheesy and I know it, but I can't help it. I am a sucker this stuff.

This week with a little nudge, Jen has taken on the role of the underdog and has choosen to embark on an incredible journey. I give you the Jungfrau Marathon (http://www.jungfrau-marathon.ch/ws/en/). The marathon starts in the Swiss Alps at 1650 ft of altitude and ends at 6500 ft of altitude. The last 13 miles are basically switchbacks up mountainS. Notice I said, mountain with an S because there more than one mountain. For reference, Denver "The Mile High City" is roughly 5200 ft in altitude.

Now comes our part. In every underdog story, there is the supporting cast. In Rocky, there was Mic and Adrian. In Rudy, there was the maintenance man and the math tutor. They don't win the Oscar, but they make the movie:

Rocky II-

Rocky has stopped training because Adrian had the baby early. He has all but given up on the upcoming fight with Apollo Creed. She wakes up from the coma and says:

Adrian: There's one thing I want you to do for me.

Rocky Balboa: What's that?

Adrian: Win.

Adrian: Win!

After the fight:

Rocky Balboa: Yea, I love yous too. I just also wanna thank God. Except for my kid bein' born, this is the greatest night in the history of my life. I just wanna say one thing to my wife who's home: YO, ADRIAN! I DID IT!

Rudy:

Rudy: Coach I just wanted to thank you for letting be a part of this football program this year.

Ara Parseghian: Rudy, I never I thought I'd be saying this but it's been an honor.

Rudy: But I've come to realize that God made some people out to be football players and that I'm not one of them.

Ara Parseghian: I wish God would put your heart in some of my players bodies.

Rudy: [laughs] Yea, I have this wish to let my father watch one of his sons play football for the Irish and I was wondering if I could possibly dress for one game next season?

Ara Parseghian: Rudy the NCAA is really strict with this 60 player rule, and in some positions we only have one backup and you know that every year we are competing for the national championship. Is this wish just for your father?

Rudy: No its for everyone who told me that being a Norte Dame Football player would be impossible. My brothers, the guys I work with at the mill they can't come to practice and see that I am a part of this team.

Ara Parseghian: [sighs] OK.

Rudy: OK?

Ara Parseghian: You deserve it. You will dress for one game next season.

Rudy: [can barely hold in his excitement] Thank You Coach!

Seriously, I am emotional just reading these lines. I can do this all day, but you all have better things to do on a Saturday. The question is will you be the supporting cast in Jenni's movie? I hope that you will be. Notes, words of encouragement, and motivational quotes are welcomed for the next several months as she begins to train. The race is in early September (5th I think).

PS--Remind her to stretch on a daily basis for at least 45 minutes.

Outcome unknown, she has choosen to go to the moon.

Overpaying Never Felt So Good

We all have traits. Some of us are tall. Some of us are smart. I am a cheap skate. That being said, I just bought multiple pairs of sandals that are overpriced and I loved every minute of it. This started with a commercial that I saw. I then saw the documentary on CNBC. This is a great business and even better story. I emplore you to dive into the deep end and over spend.

http://www.tomsshoes.com/default.asp


Make it like Lays and don't buy just one.

Pass on the word.

Amongst the Trees

France missed on transparent meat substances, goose liver, and dryers. That being said, they hit it out of the park on tree house hotels. We had a great time in western France. We went to Normandy, Mt Saint Michel, and St Malo. The western coast of France was fantastic and offered some of the best scenery we have seen since our arrival. The highlight of the trip for the kids was the night that we spent in the trees. Jen's friend gave us a recommendation of a family friendly hotel and once we looked into it, we noticed that they had tree houses to rent. Our two bungalows were about 20ft off the ground and had room for five people. The kids loved it.

My favorite part of our trip was the day that we spent driving down the coast of Normandy. I had been to portions of the beaches before, but this was my first trip to the American cemetery. Typically, hype ruins something like this for me because it never measures up to the buildup. In The American cemetery at Omaha Beach was probably one of the most moving sites I have ever traveled to. The symmetry of the headstones, the perfectly manicured grounds, and to top it off the church bells going off in the background all accumulate to bring out an overwhelming array of emotions. Every American should make the time to visit this site. It is incredibly emotional and is what I consider to be the perfect visual example of sacrifice. At the age of 18, I had a fulltime job of being an idiot. When you see these headstones and see rows of 18 year old kids (because in truth that is what they were) you immdetialey gain a real appreciation for the WWII veterans. I don't know how an 18 year old can muster the courage to do this type of job. It really goes to show you that we need to introduce ourselves to this dying generation and learn from them while they are still here.

Just a few shots of our trip.

April Moments

This is my movie star pose in Cannes. As you can see, my fan base is somewhat limited.

This is the cast of Pinocchio. The cast is a group of real up and comers. I took Jen to this play. Funny enough, the theater looks a little like my flat.

No comment and possibly the main reason for my upcoming divorce.

My cool date for the day.

Heaven for a 3 year old.

It has been a long time since my last post. I have been really busy and we took a few days and headed down to Nice (on the Mediterrean Sea). I have put a few pictures of our trip for viewing. We stayed in Nice, but we took a car up and down the coast. If you ever get down to this part of France, I strongly suggest seeing Eze Village and St. Paul de Vence. Both places are a photographers dream. The weather is still a bit cool in Paris, but we are starting to get at least some sunny days here and there. May is going to be busy. Jen's Mom comes in this week and we have planned a trip to Normandy and Mt. Saint Michel. Later this month, I have a conference in London and I think the gang is going to tag along with me on this as well. Overall, we are starting to see some of the things that Paris has to offer and even getting out to see some different parts of France and Europe.

I am staying pretty busy with work. I went to Africa a couple times in April. All my travels were safe, but I went to Angola which is probably the worst country I have ever seen. Angola is one of the world's largest exporters of oil. They have the ability to export 2 million barrels a day of high quality crude. It does not take a PhD in math to begin to see the money that is flowing out of this country. Unfortunately, the living conditions are worse than terrible. No clean water, no normal electricity usage in the entire city of 5 million people (Luanda), terrible infrastructure, polluted, expensive (breakfast for two was $80 USD), and mosquitos fly around like no tomorrow to top it all off. It is simply the worst thing I have seen since going to Africa. This country has written the book on corruption. I was having dinner with a partner of ours one night and he was telling me how he and his family ran from the rebels in the south during the civil war. For reference, he was younger than I am. It is amazing that we live in a world that still has to deal with these type of circumstances. It was quite an eye opening experience to see poverty on this type of scale.

At the end of my trip in Angola, I went to Cape Town for another set of meetings. Cape Town is amazing. It is the most first world city I have seen in Africa. It is clean, beautiful, and there is a ton of stuff to do. I took a bag full of information back with me as we are looking at going back in 2010.

Overall, things are going well. We were having lunch in a cafe in Nice and they were playing Willie Nelson songs. It reminded me of home. It reminded me of home so much that I went to the hotel later that day and booked all of our trips back to the US this year. I think in 60 or so days we are going to need a taste of home. We think of our family and friends often.

I will do better on posting.

It's A Numbers Game

I am finally headed home after a busy couple of weeks. I am about to leave Accra, Ghana here in about 2 hours. For some reason, I thought there was a conspiracy against me getting on the plane tonight so I decided to leave the Holiday Inn Accra Airport Hotel (please note the name of the hotel) to check-in early for my flight. For some reason, I thought it would take longer, but now I am in the lounge for next 1 1/2 hours. Great strategy on my part. So instead of boring myself to sleep and missing my plane to complete the alleged conspiracy, I will instead bore you with a little game that I call: It's A Numbers Game.

1- number of emails read today about frequent fliers having a panic attack on the plane causing them never to fly again.

0- number of hours expected of sleep on tonight's overnight plane. Any questions, refer to #1.

200- Number of heart beats per minute when flying over the VERY bumpy Sahara Desert especially after reading #1.

10-15- number of pounds gained due to the influx of TexMex last week.

2- Number of delicious chocolate sundaes enjoyed on plane within the last week to contribute to TexMex weight gain.

3- Number of layers of epidermis that have pealed off my face since last weekends sunny weather.

3- Number of days it took to get my hotel room in Accra to a reasonable sleeping temperature. For reference, the AC was on high for 3 days. 1st night 78F, second night 74F, today 72F. The lady at the airport said my passport felt 'cold' because I had left it in my room today. Note to Africans, thank you for the hospitality this week, but for reference 72F is not cold.

2- Number of hours difference between the time in Accra, Ghana and Paris, France although western France is due north of Accra, Ghana.

1- Number of scheduled cage matches between myself and one Quirico Filopanti.

1- Number of cancelled cage matches between myself and Mr. Quirico Filopanti because of complications surrounding the livliness of one Mr. Quirico Filopanti since he has not been alive since 1894.

1- Number of rescheduled cage matches betweeen myself and one of Mr. Quirico Filopanti's family members that is still alive. I will need to somehow avenge my anger with the inventor of global time zones.

3- Number which happens to be my favorite because of 03/03/76 being the greatest day in the history of all days. Also happens to be the number of visited continents this week. Not a good thing.

2- Number which happens to be inferior to the number 3, but also happens to be the birthdate of my much older, much grayer, more acclimated to aging sister who is now almost closer to 40 than 30.

1- Number of better ACs that are currently working right next to me in a much more efficient fashion vs. Holiday Inn Accra Hotel.

10- Number of my fingers experiencing some sort of frost bite from efficient AC unit that is currently beside me.

1- Number of pairs of gloves that would be useful right now although I am in the most humid place in the world.

0- Number of internets working so that I can check the spelling of this entry.

.90- Number of Percentage, 90, of words mis-spelled in this entry.

2- Number of readers that commented on mis-spellings before today.

2- Number of additional cage matches to be scheduled if these 'concerned' readers comment further on mis-spellings especially regarding this entry.

1- Number of people saying 'Goodnight from Accra.'

648, 649, 650- Raising Mountain Goats

March 22, 2009

To: Harmel's Point

RE: Altitude Adjustment

Hi Harmel's Point. Happy spring.

We just wanted to let you know that Dad has moved us to a building across the world with no elevator and we walk the stairs every single day. It seems that we have begun training for our annual hike up you for the last 6 weeks.

Today, Daddy thought he would be clever and call today "Yes Day". Because he is traveling over the next few weeks, he said we could do anything we wanted today and he would say "Yes." Needless to say, we took full advantage of this little game. Daddy, can I ride a horse? "Yes." Daddy, can I have some cotton candy? "Yes." Daddy, can we walk up the the Eiffel Tower? Shockingly enough, Daddy had already done this so of course he said, "Yes."

So the journey began. Klip, klop for one of us and zoom, zoom for the other. About half way up we noticed that the stairs are numbered. So after 650 steps, we made it all by ourselves. We walked up the Eiffel Tower and have even made a new tradition in the process of doing so. If you come see us, check with the airline for the weight fees associated within someone your size and maybe look for an aisle seat. Second, upon your arrival if you want to go up the Eiffel Tower, the first time up you have to walk it. We saw all of Paris and even our apartment.

Now that spring has come we thought that we would write you and make a suggestion. Since the snow is beginning to melt, can you please consider adding some dirt so you can be higher? Maybe take a page from Mt Everest and think about gaining some altitude. Dad didn't think we could make it and in the end he was not real happy being this high on a set of stairs. He is a chicken, where we would like to think of ourselves as mountain goats. So maybe add a rock and some dirt to make it the walk a little more challenging. We would never not hike you, but we asked Daddy today on the way home about maybe hiking up a "super tall" mountain this summer. He did not smile.

We love you and can't wait to see you.

PS- Dad wanted us to ask you if you could say Hi to his sedimentary friend. He would also like to specifically add that this rock cannot be added to make you taller. This rock needs to stay where it is.

See you soon,

Abby " Zoom" and Grey "Klop" aka The Parisian Mountain Goats

Grey's Anatomy: The Coming Out Party of the World's Funniest 3 Year Old

First things first, I am the equivalent to a blind down hill skier when it comes to posting pictures and videos to posts. It's a mess.

All of us have a comfort zone. I have mine while fishing in a river in Colorado. Jenny finds her zone while running. I have yet to find mine in France. Maybe it's the langauge thing, maybe its cow tongue foie gras or jelly meat (No words in any dictionary can describe this kind of substance) that I had to ingest this past week. I know I will find my zone once I am able to leave the toilet for more than periods of 5 minutes at a time and complete the artifical colen replacement surgery which I heard is not too painful. That being said, our kids are finding their groove. Abby is meeting kids at school and having fun. However, the big winner out of this whole deal thus far goes to woobie #2. I don't know what has happened, but let's just say that he is out of his shell and dancing around like a naked crab.

In fact effective immediately, I am ceasing all investments in the stock market and putting them into cookies, sugar wafers, and Gatorade. Let me be a little more clear, I am not speaking of the company's stock who manufacture these items, rather I am speaking of the actual products themselves. Instead of heartburn and anger I get with the market, I have found that investments in these heavily sugared products are the source of the bribes that I typically give to the world's funniest 3 year old and upon consumption, I receive the best footage from his numerous performances. For example:

- A few weeks back, we took the kids to the Louvre to let them see some of the museum. Instead of taking in the beauty of the Mona Lisa or the many other things at this world monument, Grey decided to look for a slide and found one at the center of the museum which is now video #1 of this post. As you can see, there are no steps for this pyramid slide in the Louvre. Secondly, a regular slide on bottom from him would not suffice in such an environment. This is the Louvre and he thought it would be best to treat the visitors to some real art, like a belly slide, and in fact not one slide, but several so that they could get the real sensation of what it feels to complete such a task with one's epidermis. Just for the record, one might notice that this is not an "outside park" near the Lourve. This is the actual Lourve. As you can see the return of one chocolate cookie investment is better than anything that GE or GM could bring these days.

- Example #2- The example is born for what now can be named as " The Most Expensive Umbrellas in the World." We had promised to give the kids their own umbrellas if they did certain chores all week. The probability of this was quite small, but somehow they hit the lottery and completed all of the tasks. You would think in a city of over 2 million people where it rains about every other day, two Disney umbrellas would not be a difficult task. So in order to fulfill the promise, we took the kids to EuroDisney on a whim which is the scene of the second post of Funny Man. In this video, after standing in line for 90 minutes, he is torturing his mother on the 1 minute and 20 second Dumbo ride. I will not need to get into the great details of my Walt Disney Conspiracy Theory.

- Example #3- I don't know what this is, but it looks like a scene from the toddler version of Flashdance.

All in all, this kid is the best thing I have seen in Paris. I figure in about 6 months, we will have shown his talents in enough public places where he will be recognized upon arrival. At that time, I will either be able to charge people for his performances or we will be immediately escorted out and asked not to come back. Regardless of the outcome, he is funniest thing I have seen in Paris and somehow he smells better than the people on the subway even with a big dump in his pants.

Ketchup

It has been awhile, so this post will cover the following subjects:

1. Thank You
2. Family Olympics
3. Sausage Sandwich

I have also posted a couple of pictures from the last couple of weeks. Jen and I had a great evening out for our 10th anniversary which included a nice dinner and a stroll under Gustav's tower.

1. I am deeply, deeply grateful for the birthday gifts. It just goes to show you that it is a thought that matters, not the item. The fact that someone would spend $30 for freight on $5 of food is awesome. Wait my stomach and taste buds are taking over the computer--"Blah, blah, blah. People this is the greatest day of our lives. Last week in Africa darn near killed us. Tomorrow we have to somehow choke down fa de frois in front of the bosses. These last few weeks have been tough, but today makes us feel that hope is been brought back to America, sorry we just got caught up in the moment. Today makes us feel like Brett has hope. We feel like the Slumdog Millionaire kids and we didn't even win an Oscar. We saw the Sugar Wafers and we begged Brett to eat them for breakfast. We then came home and his wife, who is currently being investigated for several attempted taste bud murders, gave him a ice cold DP and made us a great dinner (seriously it was good), and then we opened up some good old fashion processed Velveeta cheese with Rotel. We ended up the day with a home made cake. We thought it was some kind of terrorist plot, but it wasn't a trick. It was a real cake and really good. We love foreign birthdays. In fact, tomorrow Brett is 33 1/365 and we look forward to getting some more good stuff. Now back to your regularly scheduled boring blog.

2. It is official, pigeon chasing and wheel spinning need to be Olympic sports. Better yet, pigeon chasing, wheel spinning, and what I now refer to as the "My Son's a Drunken Sailor 10 Meter Walk" should all be Olympic sports. Look at the videos below and you will see what I mean. If you can tell me the number of times you see Grey's head, I will send you a year's worth of fa de grois. The kids have taken this pigeon chasin thing to a whole new level. We went to Notre Dame this weekend and it the midst of this great French landmark, our kids are having training sessions with the pigeons. It was great fun and interestingly enough preists in Paris run out to get smokes after the services.

3. Sausage sandwich. French lessons finally start next week, delayed one week because of scheduling. I noticed since being over here that the world has become amazingly automated. I don't why I just noticed this, but good grief if we keep this pace up we are not going to need to leave the house for anything. This past few weeks, we have had to do somethings over the phone and wouldn't you know it is a French voice automated system which has lead us to what is now a top 5 word(s). Sausage sandwich. This is how it goes:

Operator: asljfoaifoflkdaflknsdfief (this is what it sounds like)

Me and Jenny: "Sausage Sandwich"

Operator: kasdfoifjewfkjlkfjldf (again see above)

Me and Jenny: "Sausage Sandwich"

After about 2 or 3 of these, we get a person and bust out with the old: Parlez vous Anglais? Viola, action. Note to pathagreom theorem, you need to step it up. Sausage sandwich is useful, fun, and the guys above really like to eat it. You have been put on notice and you need to work yourself into some conversations, perferably English based.


Overall, we are really having some good fun. The weather is starting to turn so it allows us to get outside more. We will keep in touch and write more often.

It is 9:15pm, I guess I need to call my sister and tell her that she can now begin to officially talk about her birthday (probably has already, kidding of course).

Thanks again.

You can't teach, but you sure can take...

Normalcy is beginning to set in at Fondary. The apartment is pretty much cleaned up from the boxes that arrived on Tuesday. Phones are up and running (now we just need to learn how to use them), Skype is functioning (go to www.skype.com and search for abbyandgrey), and language lessons for me begin next week. I must admit it is nice to have the gang here. We had a great weekend. The weather was nice and we spent most of Saturday on the go. I was introduced to Carrefour. This is the cousin to the American Target or WalMart. Not as impressive, but equally as busy. The bonus is that they will deliver your groceries for a small charge, which is good for those of us that do not drive or have an elevator. Delivery man, my legs and arms will be sending you a Christmas card this year for not making me carry those bags up four flights of stairs.

On Saturday afternoon, we went to the Eiffel Tower. It was extremely crowded, but it was great fun. Woobie #2 has a new hobby of chasing pigeons. He has gotten scary close to getting one or two thus far. I don’t exactly know what would happen if he actually got one. In fact, I would rather not think about this scene. The kids rode the carousel and we grabbed ice cream (mind you that it was just above freezing outside). Pictures above, facts below.

I must say that the biggest event of the week was that Abby went back to school. The school seems good and she is adjusting pretty well. They had a fair after school and dress up day on Friday. She has about 19 kids in her class (some Americans, some Portuguese, some Germans). I have to say watching her go through this transition at school is about the most gut wrenching event I have had to see thus far as a parent. At times, we all see acts from just normal people that strike us as courageous. I must say that she has taught me a few things this week after moving 5,000 miles away in the middle of a school year. It is hard to imagine, but I think that she has got more courage than I have today. To force yourself into a new situation like this just simply takes guts. I know it has not been easy for her and I know that she probably does not understand what she is feeling, but I am really, really proud her for putting herself out there. It just goes to show you that you can’t teach courage, but you sure can take lessons from those who have it.

So here at information central command, we are constantly trying to improve the quality of communication from across the pond. We have found a new little feature that allows us to send pictures within the post. Please enjoy and unlike the airlines these days, these pictures are included in the price of admission. Just for the record, Abby has discovered static electricity.

I also thought it would be fun to share a little history about our destination this past weekend. Enjoy.

Eiffel Tower

Constructed between 1887-1889…Was once the largest structure in the world (first overtaken by the Chrysler Building in NYC in 1930)…Built to mark the 100 year celebration of the French Revolution…Architect none other than Gustave Eiffel…Although marveled for its architecture, the structure was built to withstand the winds that come through Paris…Weighs about 10,000 tons…717 steps to the top…It has survived the invasion of Nazi Germany and a fire in 1956.